Hiding in some music today...

Drown it out.
Let the music... drown it out
Forget.
Hear only the never-ending bass...
Self-doubt and fear - there's no room here.
Don't stop - Keep it going.
Drown it out.

This isn't isn't how I dreamed it would be
I live only for the moments you're here
For the moments I forget
The times I'm carefree

I was just beginning
Learning how to be myself
When we brought another life to be
One that depends mostly on me.

I'm drained, sucked dry
I have to be this person I don't know
Has life passed me by?
I've left myself behind.

"We're on our way up," you say
I hold on to that
But many times I feel
I can't go up - Its not my life

Would I even belong, up there?
Up seems uncharted territory
Unknown, beyond me
Almost unreachable

Would those cold hands
Stop pulling me down
Would these dark voices fade
If I made it up far enough?

Can I outrun them,
Can I outreach them?
Will I always have to fight them?
Will they always be here?

Drown it out.
Let the music... drown it out
Forget.
Hear only the never-ending bass...
Self-doubt and fear - there's no room here.
Don't stop - Keep it going.
Drown it out.

What 3 Years and a Baby Does To Your Body... If You Let It.

So recently I was looking at pics I took of myself 3 years ago, around the time I started dating my now husband. Its depressing. I think the biggest downer is that I didn't appreciate my body back then, and looking back I sooo should have!

Now, after marriage, a baby, stress... lets just say I've gained about 50lbs. =P

Last Monday, I started Weight Watchers meetings with my mother-in-law. My goal is to lose about 36-40 lbs eventually, hopefully without losing too much in the boob department. Thats one change in my body that I (or my husband) haven't minded at all! ;)

In my first pic, I was about 120-125. In second pic, taken today, I'm 170-175. =P I have a ways to go but I'd be happy to just get down to 150 and tone up, honestly. Anyway... giggity at first pic and blahhhh at second pic. lol.

We'll see how this goes! ^_^ That body's still under there somewhere... time to melt off a bit and find it again! :)