Hold High The Object Of Your Love

     I saw a quote today that said, "The higher you elevate your woman, the less available she is to other men. When you break her down, you make her accessible to anyone she thinks will treat her better."

     Let's focus on our own! So many women wait for their men to meet their needs but they're busy meeting other women's needs to be listened to AND heard, understood, cherished and respected. And when you think about it, a lot of those women he is meeting the needs of have men who stopped trying or just straight up don't care.

     Let's stop this chain of stupidity. Do you really wanna be with and keep the person you have? Then learn them. Know what they need and do your best to meet those needs. You wouldn't volunteer at your animal shelter if you had a 'cherished' pet sitting in a crate at home starving for love and attention. Don't do the same to your person. The world would be robbed of so much drama and heartache if we just focused on our own instead of keeping our options open.

     You won't harvest crops in your own field if you're so interested in volunteering to work another man's field that you forget your own field exists until it comes time for harvest and you never planted any f***ing seeds cause you were so busy throwing seeds over the fence into other fields.

Reality Check

Height: 5'6"
Weight: 162lbs.
Thigh: 24in.
Calf: 15in.
Upper Arm: 12.5in.
Lower Arm: 9.5in.
Waist: 31in.
Bust: 38in.
Hips: 42.5

Overwhelming Pain and How To Deal With It

"I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed I guess..."

     You may WAKE UP on the wrong side of the bed (due to dreams of realized fears, unrealized fears, or being woken up in a jarring manner), but it is your choice whether you GET UP on the wrong side of the bed. If you allow that negative energy to live through you, the rest of your day will be worse for it. This is your responsibility, to not poison your day and the interactions you have with people in your day. Let it go, fill up with positive energy so it has no room to return, and get up smiling. You are in control of YOU. Even though you cannot control the causes of your annoyance most of the time, you can always control your mind and choose how to deal with those annoyances.

     Remember those plant burrs/seedpods that we called hitchhikers as a child? Picture your annoyances as the plant that produces those hitchhikers. The burrs are the negative energy coming from the annoying circumstance. Sometimes you can't see the annoyance coming and you walk right into it, but you CAN choose to sit down right after those burrs attach to you and pick them off immediately. If you don't they will continue to prick your skin and cause you pain (steal your peace) the rest of the day. Choose positivity. Keep your space clean of negativity so you can see the Light. <3

Love and Light!

Listening To My Higher Self

I am getting into active journaling again. I know that my most spiritually productive stages of life have been coupled with consistent journaling. So here goes! Hopefully some of it will be helpful to whoever runs across this blog. <3

     Its always so long in between posts on here. What's happened since my last entry? Weight Watcher's was a FAIL for me. Because of me. I didn't really work it. Chris' mom DID work it and lost like 35-42 lbs (can't remember exact number but I'm SUPER proud of her!).  I've lost 7lbs total since then doing my own thing exercising and tracking food intake on loseit.com. Another 33 to go.

     My life as a mother is getting better everyday. I notice that by previous posts my readers would see I was incredibly NOT ready for motherhood. But as she's getting older (she'll be 3 on Nov 17 this year), she's becoming more interesting and I'm falling more and more in love with her sweet, smart little self. As of a couple weeks ago, I can finally say,"I'm glad I'm a mother," and mean it. Yes, I have tons of regrets, things I missed out on in life, things that will have to come later or not at all, but I love our little girl and I wouldn't give her up for anything. :)

     I quit my job as an Internet Assessor with LionBridge to spend more time with her. I was spending 90% of my waking hours online sitting in front of a computer, and it really wasn't working out as she's an active little girl and needs attention and play/learning time with Mommy.

     Chris' job at TVA is going well. I'm so proud of him for doing his best at moving us up in the world. :) Buying a house is on the horizon, hopefully in the next year after paying some debts off. 

     Had some good news a couple days ago. My dad worked at Mckee for 13 years, before I was born and up until I was almost 8 when we moved to Indiana. 6 months after my mom and dad got married, he had an accident on the job. He was working on a machine that had huge rollers with a 2 inch clearance in between, and the managers didn't want them turning off the machines to clean the cookie crumbs/dust that accumulated during the shift. So he was getting that off and his arm got caught in the rollers and pulled it in all the way up to his shoulder, then proceeded to eat through his arm down to the muscle/bone. He says he was screaming at the top of his lungs and no one could hear him for a while, but finally someone came around and turned the machine off. Anyway, the point of my story is, my dad had to get blood transfusions at the hospital cause he'd lost so much. This was back when they only knew about Hepatitis A and B.  So they didn't know to check blood donations for Hep C. And Daddy got it. Only he didn't find out til 20 years later when he went to donate blood himself. He went through treatment and was declared Hep C free around 5 years ago.

     Then last year he went in to get a checkup and they retested him. And told him he still had it. He was devastated and started making plans to go through another round of treatment, which included maybe having to take a few months off work. But a couple days ago he called me. He'd just gotten out of the doctor's office where they had told him the test was wrong, and he was and had been FREE of Hep C the whole time since the original treatment! :) Soooo happy :)

     Anyway, that's a smidgeon of my life right now. Hope you all are having a good day :)

Hiding in some music today...

Drown it out.
Let the music... drown it out
Forget.
Hear only the never-ending bass...
Self-doubt and fear - there's no room here.
Don't stop - Keep it going.
Drown it out.

This isn't isn't how I dreamed it would be
I live only for the moments you're here
For the moments I forget
The times I'm carefree

I was just beginning
Learning how to be myself
When we brought another life to be
One that depends mostly on me.

I'm drained, sucked dry
I have to be this person I don't know
Has life passed me by?
I've left myself behind.

"We're on our way up," you say
I hold on to that
But many times I feel
I can't go up - Its not my life

Would I even belong, up there?
Up seems uncharted territory
Unknown, beyond me
Almost unreachable

Would those cold hands
Stop pulling me down
Would these dark voices fade
If I made it up far enough?

Can I outrun them,
Can I outreach them?
Will I always have to fight them?
Will they always be here?

Drown it out.
Let the music... drown it out
Forget.
Hear only the never-ending bass...
Self-doubt and fear - there's no room here.
Don't stop - Keep it going.
Drown it out.

What 3 Years and a Baby Does To Your Body... If You Let It.

So recently I was looking at pics I took of myself 3 years ago, around the time I started dating my now husband. Its depressing. I think the biggest downer is that I didn't appreciate my body back then, and looking back I sooo should have!

Now, after marriage, a baby, stress... lets just say I've gained about 50lbs. =P

Last Monday, I started Weight Watchers meetings with my mother-in-law. My goal is to lose about 36-40 lbs eventually, hopefully without losing too much in the boob department. Thats one change in my body that I (or my husband) haven't minded at all! ;)

In my first pic, I was about 120-125. In second pic, taken today, I'm 170-175. =P I have a ways to go but I'd be happy to just get down to 150 and tone up, honestly. Anyway... giggity at first pic and blahhhh at second pic. lol.

We'll see how this goes! ^_^ That body's still under there somewhere... time to melt off a bit and find it again! :)

GoodReads

Hey check me out on GoodReads... its an awesome site for those of you who love reading.

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/3782115